There’s no part of sobriety that I would label as easy. Making the decision to get sober is tough. The first few weeks of sobriety are grueling and full of doubt. Then months and even years go by, and things seem easier, but there’s an ever-present lingering shadow ready to seize the moment when you start to feel vulnerable. Constant vigilance starts to feel a lot like anxiety and stress or even anger and resentment. Those are the feelings I have to manage in order for sobriety to feel like a sustainable part of my life.

It has been four years since my last drink. The first time I got sober, I was able to abstain from alcohol for five years. After all that time, I caved one random day because I just knew I had to be able to finally manage alcohol and be normal. Like, I could totally just have a couple of drinks when I wanted to. And I could. Until I couldn’t.

Right now, there’s no doubt in mind that I’ll never have a drink again but I’m also fully aware of all the work it takes to maintain that resolve.

I think there is a massive void that exists for many women who are grappling with the idea of living alcohol-free. AA is not for me. Meetings are not for me. I want humor, reality, tough-love, helpful suggestions, joy, and celebration. I want to know what works, not just what to avoid. And I want to celebrate the whole journey that is staying sober, not just getting sober.

So, here’s to embracing the journey and cherishing all of the gifts that sobriety can yield.